VFW: Be Afraid...

Steve's choice of "Steve McQueen movies" as We're Here for the Beer's theme was a good one, since they led most of the evening. but it was a come-from-behind victory for Room Two, as they had a stellar last round and took first. I think Clyde still can't believe it. The Bill team, this week known as Four Minus Bill, continued their winning ways and took third. Shitz and Giggles and Friends finally got their mojo working in the last round and took fourth. They chose "golf" as their theme. In fifth was Heavy Petting Zoo. They chose "70s porn" as their theme, even though none of them were even in existence in the '70s. (They must have raided their fathers' video collection). And that's the end of this week's blog entry - I have to start researching next week's themes...

Bube's: Full House Holiday

Heather, Joanne and Shannon, a tiny team of three, took on our largest team ever, Hammer Time and defeated them in the crucial final round. It was a packed house, with holiday visitors checking out the Christmas scene at Bube's. The house sound was not working, so we had to make do with my tiny sound system, but Sam the owner is working on it. That did not deter the crowd from having a blast, however. And I finally got to to give away last week's poinsettia!

My immediate family is fairly small, but I have a boatload of first cousins (15 on my dad's side and 23 on my mom's!) The largest branch is the Grab family, who played tonight as Hammer Time! (The name was in honor of their dad, my Uncle Hammer). What you're seeing pictured is maybe one quarter of their team, as they took over the entire balcony. Usually teams this size collapse upon their own weight, but they managed to take second. If only they had listened to Mark, they might have won! Also, Happy Birthday to "little Bobby."

Displaced from their usual spot on the balcony, the super-sized Nutsacks could only find seats for half their team, so Josiah and crew, AKA Jack Frost Nipping at Your Nutsack, became nomads, in search of available seating. This pic of the third-place winners was taken after the usual post-trivia exodus, when they finally found a spot and rested their weary sacks.

Screw Loose did really well, tying for second. Hopefully they'll come back next week, since they got to choose one of the themes: the Philadelphia E-A-G-L-E-S! Their fellow fourth-palcers, Schworze Be With You, chose the other one "Sex and the City."

Eric shoots mind bullets at his trivia opponents.

Next Up: The Grammys!

May your holidays be issue-free!

Here's my award-winning entry to the Lancaster Intell's Holiday Song Parody Contest. It didn't win first place (they preferred someone's song about crows pooping on children), but it was good enough for second! (The prize was a holiday CD).

Online Sales
by Mike Horn
(sung to the tune of "Silver Bells")

City sidewalks, empty sidewalks
Where did all the folks go?
They're at home
Shopping online for Christmas

Mama's typing
Dad is griping
Searching site after site
As on everyone's keyboard you'll hear:

Send e-mails! Online sales!
It's Christmas time on the PC
It's so quick! Hear them click!
Soon we will look on eBay!

Strings of search terms
Filling out forms
Blinking cursors on screen
As they all rush to beat order deadlines

Dot com hunting
Mailman's grunting
This is retail's new scene!
And above all the bustle
You'll hear:

Send e-mails! Online sales!
It's Christmas time on the PC
It's so quick! Hear them click!
Soon we will look on eBay!

VFW: Moved by the Holiday Spirit

That's a pic of Tom being seized by the spirit of Henry Mancini and doing his best Will Ferrell from A Night at the Roxbury. I kept seeing him dance throughout the evening, so I captured a brief clip of his performance, which you can view here. I think Nick has since disavowed any knowledge of Tom.

All that shaking failed to shake things up for Major Nix Lix and Son and Love, since they came in seventh, one point behind Dennis and Melanie, who were one point behind Four Minus, Make that Plus Bill. They chose "recent college football" as their theme. ("Recent" meaning after 1980). Steve and Darla and Dave chose "Steve McQueen movies." In third was the always formidable Room Two. Chicks and Dicks placed second, but it was Shitz and Giggles and Friends who took home the gold, along with the coveted snowman deelyboppers, which brought out a new side to Mark (see below).

Paul is unsure whether it's a holiday or an insult pillow.

Carmen thought her newly acquired magic elfin hat would help, but the Chicks and Dicks failed to catch up to the Shitz crew.

Andrew introduced trivia virgin Ashley (AKA Looooove) to the joys of the Trashbag.

I'm supposed to send this action shot of Mark and Leroy to Soldier of Fortune magazine.

Bube's: Too Much Egg Nog?

That's definitely a pic of Mike the bartender, with Ralphie's glasses carefully photoshoppped in, despite his vehement denial. It was part of our Extra Special Christmas Show. What made it so special? How about the 2 and a half pound box of chocolate moose taffy that was to be one of the special Grand Prizes? Oh, wait, I forgot about it (I ended up passing it out to the stragglers post-show). What about the other Grand Prize, a beautiful poinsettia? I forgot that, too, and in fact left it at Bube's (consider it my gift to Sam Allen).

I also forgot that we had just had "Broadway musicals" as a theme last week when Bube's Wenches picked it for next week. It was their highest placing ever, so in the spirit of Christmas, I'll let them keep it. The Wenches tied with the Tesla Death Rays, who chose "Young Frankenstein" as their theme in honor of the late Peter Boyle. (Trivia about trivia: this is the first time ever that two teams at two different venues have chosen the exact same theme.)

In third place was last week's champs, It Takes a Village Full of Ovaries. The Fool Monkey, fresh off their victory at J's Saturday night show at the Tilted Kilt, took second. Speaking of J, great thanks to him for getting the sound system to finally work right (Someone at Bube's had been rearranging wires, preventing the sound from reaching the front room). By the way, J and Big Bald Sean will be doing a special karaoke show at the Bottling Works on Christmas Eve. And tonight's victory went to Team Discovery Channel, who brought along some extra power in the form of trivia alumnus West Coast Sam. Welcome back, Sam! And thanks go out to Mark, who ably filled in for Mike, whose picture that definitely is.

TDC can barely contain themselves.

Up Too Late loved their Gummi Christmas bears and promised to return.

Chuckles: Having A Holly, Jolly Time

By the time I remembered to whip out the camera, the mass exodus was in full swing. I did manage, however, to get a pic of Jackie and Brian, who won the grand prize in the Trashbag of Deelite: a 12 inch Santa (at least I think it's Santa; could be a Druid, a wizard or and old fat guy with a club). We had a great time tonight for our last show of 2006 (we'll be preempted at Chuckles the next two weeks due to the holidays). The Mill Mar team continued their momentum from last week by placing fifth. They were thinking about going with the Disney Channel, but chose one of my favorite movies "Young Frankenstein" as their theme. The Lethal Amoebas kept it in the 70s by choosing Little Feat lyrics as their theme.

The three top prizes went to the non-smoking room. The Tidy Bowlers doubled their size and placed third, winning approximately 73 cents per teammate. The Price Is Right, with special guest stars Erika and Patrick, led the entire evening, but the Talent Scouts caught up to them in the last round. They decided to retire Scott and sent Jen in instead for the Captain jack tiebreaker. She quickly defeated Patrick her first time out, as the Scouts claimed first.

Trivia: After Hours, or, the Talent Scouts celebrate Jen's (not pictured) victory.

Beware of Captain Jack!

VFW: You're a Softee, Mr. Grinch

Since the Toys for Tots campaign will soon be coming to an end, I decided to transform the Trashbag of Deelite into the Toybag of Deelite and filled it to the rim with trucks and dolls and games and Barbie Uno cards. And everyone's hearts grew two sizes that day, as all the toys ended up in the donation bin. Thanks, everyone!

On the competition front, it was a very tight race to the finish, with only six points separating the top seven teams. D&M and We're Here for the Beer almost made the top five. Bill's Team decided to stay and ended up in fifth. They chose the classic poem, "Twas the Night Before Christmas" as their theme. Next up was a tie between Nix Lix and Chicks and Dicks. Leroy's first turn at the tie-breaker ended quickly, which meant his team got to pick. Keeping in the holiday spirit, they chose "classic holiday movies." Shitz and Giggles and Friends took the silver as Room Two returned to the winners' circle.

Bube's: Ovaries in an Uproar

Firecrackers, Bombs and Ovaries are flushed with victory. This team, who chose their name (traditionally the Exploding Ovaries) in counterpoint to the Nutsacks, has placed third and second before, but this was their first grab for the gold. They squeaked by the Flaming Moe-rons (Go Flyers!), who tripped up on a spelling question. In third place was the Stonecutters, who finally returned after a looooong summer hiatus. The Fool Monkey placed fourth, and Bill finally got to choose "islands" as their theme. The dynamic duo known as Who Knew? had a stellar fourth round and placed fifth. They chose our neighbor to the right, "New Jersey" as their theme. Next week is also our extra-special Christmas show, so beware!

Welcome back, Stonecutters!

Who Knew?, bronze medalists and proud owners of a monster box of Crunch and Munch!

Chuckles: Yeah, Baby, Yeah!

It was a pop-fest night as the themes were the Austin Powers series and the King of Queens. Out of the Vortex managed to escape a four-way tie for sixth place in the third to tie for first in the fourth (go that?). Then it was Tim of Ubersmack vs. Billy in the Captain Jack-off, with Mr. Warmth the Victor. If the Millmar Crew hadn't changed one of their answers, they would have been champs, but they had to settle for a tie for third with the Talent Scouts. Just like last week, the Scouts sent in Scott and once again he got bitten twice. So the Scouts chose the Philadelphia Flyers as their theme. The Tidy Bowl Crew once again did very well, placing fifth and choosing "Saved By the Bell - The Non-College Years."

Please note: We will not have trivia on Christmas Eve or New Year's Eve, so next week (Dec. 17th) is the final show of 2006!

The Millmar Crew are psyched that they won a can of grandma's awful Christmas candy.

Old Man Tim, Billy, Kelly, Older Man Deric and Marge put aside their rivalry for a photo op.

VFW: We Can Dance If We Want To

It was a trip back to the days of big hair when we featured music of the '80s as one of our themes tonight. And it was appropriate that the team that chose that theme, Shitz and Giggles and Friends, took the top prize. One question behind them were two teams: The B52s and Chicks and Dicks. So it was an alligator tie-breaker between Sheila #1 and Carmen. It was Sheila's first crack at Captain Jack and I blinked, so I missed the quickest best-of-3 contest in trivia history. We're Here for the Beer tied for fourth, so they chose Christmas carols for their theme. And Major Nix Lix and Son second-guessed themselves out of the top spot and ended up also tied for fourth. Keeping it seasonal, they chose The Twelve Days of Christmas. And I have a special holiday theme for the Trashbag, too!

Bube's: Trivia Battle Royale, with Cheese

Once again there were audio issues, including the temporary death of my iPod (of course, it helps if you remember to charge it). My favorite team name of the night was "Un-Creative Table Number Two." (Along with "If the Nutsacks Had Done It, This Is How We Would have Done It.") The Tesla Death Rays fought off a last minute charge by the FJ Chubby Stubbies (who only missed one question in the key final round) and claimed victory with an impressive 93 points. There was a tie between perennial rivals Team Discovery Channel and the aforementioned Nutsacks, with the Sacks winning. So TDC chose "tribonds" as their theme for next week. In fifth were the Fool Monkeys, who chose Broadway musicals. Thanks go out to John and Bill of the Monkeys, who checked out J's new Saturday night trivia show at the Tilted Kilt. They gave J two thumbs up. Also, thanks to Janelle of A Dirty Shame who interviewed me for her journalism class, and to my cousin Mark who hung out with me pre-show.

Bob, Karen, Randy and Dave brought along some extra fire power and had what I believe to be their highest scoring night ever.

An origami version of a root beer barrel barge.

Nobody expects the Jelly Roll Mortons! You never know at what venue they'll turn up.

Thanks to Seth and Missy, who helped me write some blues questions for this week's VFW show

Chuckles: Bodies Everywhere

This is what Cafe Chuckles looked like after an extremely tough night of trivia. When the dust cleared, Marge-lett O'Hara and Bill Buttler of Out of the Vortex were left standing, defeating the Lethal Amoebas by one question. There was a tie between the Talent Scouts Featuring Special Guest Sue and Ubersmack for third, so it was Scott vs. Kelly for the money. Despite Kelly's best efforts to throw it, her team came in third, so Scott's fourth-place team chose the Austin Powers movies as their theme. There was also a tie between The Tidy Bowlers and The Price Is Right for fifth, with the Bowlers victorious. They chose, after intense deliberations, the TV sitcom The King of Queens. I promise to tone down the difficulty (a bit) for next week.

St. James: A Bunch of PEBDYs

That stands for Pretzel-Eating Beer-Drinking Yahoos, an affectionate term for the St. James Men's Club. The Earth Trivia show was part of their Christmas party Saturday night and everyone had a great time. The special themes were, appropriately enough, pretzels, beer and St. James the Greater (not to be confused with the lesser known St. James the Fair to Middlin'). Thanks to Mike and Frank for coming up with the idea and perhaps we can do it again. And maybe we'll finally solve the mystery of who stole Bob's Boilo.

VFW: A Photo Album's Worth of Pix

Scoot and Annie had to, well, scoot early, so they missed out on the last round. But here are some pix of what they missed. (My apologies for missing pictures of We're Here for the Beer and the Posse).

Skip, Erma, Carmen and Ginnie celebrate their close victory. Only three points separated the top five teams in a night of intense competition.

Andrew was convinced that it was his youth power that gave Nix Lix their silver medal.

Room Two was in a three-way with Shitz and Giggles and Outback. It was Matt's scary knowledge of Madonna that broke the deadlock, as they claimed the money.

Greg brought along some reinforcements to the Outback team. They chose "blues music" as their theme for next week.

Shitz and Friends were happy to have Giggles back in the fold. They chose "80s music" as their theme, so next week wear your big hair.

The Foreplayers were doing really well and only missed the winners' circle by one question.

Tonight, Bruce's team was known as "Mahatma Bambi."

The Pretzel Cats enjoyed the show so much that they vowed to return.

The best bartenders in Lititz, Laurie and Alice, AKA two-thirds of Alice in Wonderland.

The B52s could have used Cindy tonight.

Bube's: The Triviaceous Period

Not the momma! And not the Henson Dinosaurs, either. It was dinosaur night of the 15 foot tall cold-blooded (or were they warm-blooded?) variety, along with Fight Club (but I'm not allowed to talk about that). It looked like it was going to be sparse night, but then the regular crowd shuffled in (along with that old man making love to his tonic and gin. Everybody sing!). TDC and Eman Meat - that's "Team Name" for the dyslexic - both missed the top five by one measly point. The Jelly Roll Mortons made their first trip to the winners' circle and originally chose "Mike Horn" as their theme. But the Witness Protection program nixed that idea, so they chose "Arrested Development - The TV Show" as their theme (yes, I realize we had that a month ago, but it was a different team). The Tesla Death Rays finally came through in the last round, so they chose "Pulp Fiction." Brent was finally joined by Keith, as the Wise Man became the Wise Men and they used their Wonder Twin power to come in third. Charles, Carol and Bill stripped down their team name to TFM and placed second (along with winning one of the more unusual trashbag prizes - a bag of snap peas). But the Nutsack-a- suarus-rex tore up the vegetation and led the pack all the way, stomping over the competition.

Chuckles: Going Commando

Tonight's big news was the debut of Cordless Mike with the cordless mike. Of course, there were some minor squawking and volume issues, but it turned out fine, so beware! I might sneak up on you when you least expect it. Tonight it was bowling and Seinfeld night. Victory snuck up on the Price Is Right as a 35 in the last round helped them to pass the Rainmakers by two points. Out of the Vortex placed third, despite an awful picture round. The Lethal Amoebas took fourth and chose the TV series "Strangers with Candy" as their theme. A miniature version of Skirtland took fifth and chose the American Civil War. Barb and her Laffy taffy crew enjoyed their newly decorated nook out in the boonies. Eastside was getting by on confidence alone, while carol of KC qestioned the questions.

Reminder: No VFW Trivia Tonight

Stop your basting and come out to the VFW to hear the band Hotwired. See you all next week!

Bube's: I Yam What I Yam

In honor of their missing comrade, the Soon to Be Full Monkey team says "Charles," instead of "Cheese." They're celebrating their first victory in a while, but it was a close one, since they staved off the charging FJ Chubby Stubbies and won by one question. A mere two points behind the Chubs were the Wise Men, followed by Ten Pounds Nutsack With All the Trimmings (They chose Fight Club as their theme). TDC was fifth and chose dinosaurs (as in actual beasts, not the Jim Henson TV show). Missing the winners' circle by only a couple of points were the Toxic Olives and the Jelly Roll Mortons. And we welcomed back Eat It Raw, as Chris finally unchained Brian and let him out of the basement. Trashbag of Deelite prizes once again had a holiday theme. For some reason, the 2 pound yam from the Trashbag was traded in for a tiny stuffed horse.

Chuckles: The Things That Pass for Knowledge

It was a musical matchup, with Shania taking on Walter and Donald. The Lethal Amoebas' knowledge of Steely Dan helped them post a surprise victory. Skirtland also did well, placing second and winning the grand prize of a turkey from Stauffer's of Kissel Hill (Congrats to Kay!). Then there was a tie between the Price Is Right and Ubersmack for third. Deric was determined to lose, and lose he did, so Ubersmack picked Seinfeld as their theme. The Talent Scouts were doing well until the finale, and settled for fifth. They chose bowling as their theme. Joe's Team, Bug Man and Laffy Taffy also combusted in the end. The Flying Purple People Eaters are steadily climbing the ladder, getting b etter each week, and the Tidy Bowlers are close behind. Hopefully next week's debut of the cordless mike will help the non-smoking room acoustically. Gifts from the Trashbag were all holiday-oriented (with some leftover Halloween specials), although I forgot to bring the turkey bacon. Look for that at Tuesday's Bube's show.

There's a New Team in Town

Thanks to Hot Tub Steve (AKA Mini), I got to see the debut exhibition bout of what is sure to become Lancaster's newest champion franchise, the Dutchland Rollers! You can see some of my lame cellphone shots at right.

These ladies have been practicing all year, but they looked like seasoned pros to me (of course, I know jack about roller derby, so take that comment with a grain of salt). I sat behind White Thrash's family, so we rooted for her team, the Poison Apples. They ended up winning in a final tie-breaking jam, so we were rooting for the right team. I think their next bout won't be until next year, so go their website and sign up for their mailing list. This is not your mother's roller derby! (Unless your mother wears fishnet stockings and goes by the name of Hillbilly Hellcat or Penny Purgatory).