VFW: To Boldly Go

Your five year mission: to explore brave new ways of getting to the VFW. Once people figured out how to maneuver the construction, they were treated to some Star Trek questions, along with Goodfellas. Nick was happy that she aced all the film questions, and even used her psychic powers to anticipate the wild card. Addison and Robert were doing really well until they had to take off. Room 2's winning streak ended, as they plummeted in the fourth round to fifth place. They chose progressive rock as their theme. Then there was a tie for third between Shitz and Giggles and Alice in Wonderlust. So a nervous Millie, new to the alligator, faced Laurie, who quickly went down. They then chose Frank Sinatra songs as their theme. Dennis and Melanie, despite the %#@!%&!ed picture round came from out of nowhere to takes second. And the two-man team of Steve and Kirk had an impressive victory.

Bubes: No Respect for Suet

It was a high-scoring night of jabbing genitalia with a lot of action between the Nutsacks and the Ovaries (no, you haven't wandered into the wrong site by mistake). In the end, Exploding Ovaries Over Pluto (above) was the victor, with an impressive 88. Linuscratchitt and the Reinforcements made their last appearance for awhile before the tennis season, and only lost by 5 points. The Nutsacks shrunk in the end, and tied for third with the Flaming Moe-rons. The Moes lost the tie-breaker and chose International Harvester as their theme. And Eat It Raw had another impressive night with 80 points. They chose the films of John Hughes as their theme. The big loser of the night was the trade-in prize: an unclaimed block of suet. It's starting to get a complex, since it had been re-gifted from Sunday's Chuckles show.

Chuckles: So Long, Jenna!

Here we see Lori, Samantha and Jenna. Tonight we said goodbye to Jenna, who has been at Chuckles since the turn of the century. She made me feel welcome when I started here this summer and I will miss her. You can catch her just up the pike at Calhoun's, where she'll be putting her culinary training to good use. Good luck, Jenna!

Meanwhile, on the trivia front, it was a see-sawing night. The Tidy Bowlers and 17 other teams did battle (the Bowlers were determined to get mentioned on the website, btw). The Talent Scouts had trailed most of the night, but came blazing forth in the last round, aided by their amazing wonder tube (see below). They took first, followed closely by the Rainmakers. Ubersmack was concerned that they were slipping, but they still managed third. The Price Is Right and the Speedcats, both from the hinterlands of the non-smoking room, tied for fourth, so they chose Journey and Full House as next week's Labor Day weekend show themes.

Mitzi was an overly enthusiastic blurter, but got into the swing of things. Nuclear World was a one-man team who did extremely well most of the night (as did the two-person Green Wombat team). Karen and Cheryl were once again done in by the picture round. The Assassins were party animals this week, attending two concerts and three trivia shows in the space of nine days. Meanwhile, the Amoebas practiced humility and Skirtland practiced their gas-passing noises.

You're going to have to provide your own caption for this one.

VFW: The Battle of Bikini Bottom

Tonight's themes ran the gamut from World War II to everyone's favorite hole-y man, Spongebob Squarepants. As I did at several of this week's venues, we had a special "Name That Tune" round of TV themes after the show, which just proved that we all spent a lot of time in front of the tube growing up. Kirk was reunited with his Posse-mates Janie and Cal. The Foreplayers were there for the thrill of it all. D & M chose Star Trek as their theme for placing fifth, while NIx Lix chose the film "Goodfellas" for placing fourth. Shitz and Giggles had their highest placing ever by taking third. We're Here for the Beer almost won first place, but they were bested by the Mormon Tabernacle Choir, AKA Room Two. Frank from WHFTB wondered why there were no recent pix of the VFW on the blog. Luckily I found my camera after the show, so above is a photo of where Frank sat tonight. Maybe I can find a more suitable picture...

Aha! Upon scouring the Internet, I was finally able to find another picture! This is the classic painting "The Birth of Frank." You'll have to click on it to see it in all its splendor.

Bube's: Things That Make You Say Arrrrrrrrr...

Josiah of Chicks Dig Nutsacks with Skills..., Ninja Skills, Nutsack Skills won the best prize of the evening, his very own first mate. His team also won the coveted fifth place slot, so they chose ESPN Sportscenter anchors as their theme.

Brent and Van were missing Casper, as the Wise Men stumbled from second to fourth in the last round. They chose to relive their childhoods by picking the original Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles movie as their theme for next week.

The Trivia Artists Formerly Known As The Exploding Ovaries were joined by Toxic Olives Craig and Becky and took second. Here, Lisa hides behind Becky's Trashbag of Deelite prize, the classic This Is Spinal Tap. That movie will be a theme some night, no doubt.

Chris and Brian had another stellar night, as Eat It Raw placed third.

Here's a commando shot of tonight's champs, the Tesla Death Rays.

For some, it was the Battle of the Brains; for the Crabby Dicks, it was the Battle of the Brians as former figure skater Traci debated Boitano vs. Orser.

The MDs were missing one of their members, but had fun nonetheless.

The Barn Door: Substitute Teacher

I had a blast subbing for Billy Warmth at his Monday night Barn Door Show. Thanks to the vivacious Cathy, the delectable Tammy, the name-whose-name-I-didn't-get hostess and the stalwart Gary for making me feel at home. Also thanks to the Sex Toys, the Large Group of Stupid Monkeys and the Wacky Corner for donating their Mensa Question winnings to United Disabilites Services. And thanks to Puppet Lint (see above) for allowing me to take their picture, despite that guy in the Witness Protection Program. Our grand prizes were a pack of whoopie pies and a box of truffles. Trashbag prizes included many fine food items and some not-so-fine (Flax cookies, anyone?).

Following are some team pix from the night's festivities. I may have flubbed some of the team names, so I apologize ahead of time.

Out of the Vortex, led by the back of Joel's head, made it two weeks in a row, with a grand total of 65 points.

Lionel Richie may have left them, but they're still doing well without him. They placed second, trailing the Vortex by a mere six points.

Don't Know Jack apparently knew something, since they placed third. It was a hybrid team of the United Disabilities Service, The Price Is Right and local Millersvillians Kitty, Renate and Sue.

Large Group of Stupid Monkeys was in the thankless fourth place slot. But thanks are in order for Bruiser, who helped me distribute pens and papers for the first round.

Laffy Taffy played with the Sex Toys in a Captain Jack-off (wait, let me re-write that:) Laffy Taffy tied with the Sex Toys for fifth place, so they had to face our tie-breaker, the alligator known as Captain Jack. Laffy Taffy won and chose the grand state of Iowa as their mini-theme for next week. They were also ecstatic to hear some Dave Matthews tunes.

The Sex Toys team was so large, we had to break them into two pix. (The lady in the left hand corner would like to post her phone number for our Internet audience, but we're not that kind of site - besides, I forgot to write it down).

For your pleasure, more Sex Toys.

I believe this is the Filmed Before a Live Studio Audience team. Although they didn't make the top five, they did extremely well in our impromptu TV theme Name That Tune round which we did after the regular show.

Parrot Bay was doing well until a horrible third round.

The Browncos made it to trivia two nights in a row. They're determined to win Bill's big box of Chips Ahoy.

The Three Generations team insisted that I get a pic of their patriarch to prove that he was out of the house.

Girls on the Prowl. Were they successful? They're not telling.

I feel bad (badly?) that I didn't get a pic of Karen and Cory of the KC team. That's Karen's arm behind the post behind "the lovely Gary."

The Wacky Corner was a fun group that sat at the corner of the bar, of all places.

Dan was happy he got off work early and made the second round.

I think these might be the No Name team, but I'm not sure. We reminisced about good old Millersville State College, though.

So these folks are either Two for the Road or the appropriately named No Name team.

My Apologies to All Buddhists

Tonight Billy "Buddha Belly" Warmth is taking a well-deserved vacation, so I'll be filling in for him at his Barn Door show in Millersville. The hilarity begins at 8:30 p.m.

Chuckles: We're Baaaack!

The big news for tonight's action was the return of the Carlsburg 8. They were regulars at Chuckles under the old regime and had been on hiatus until they decided to check out our Earth Trivia show. And they quickly returned to their winning ways, tying for third with the Price Is Right. So Bill faced Fritz for the Captain Jack-off and lost. They chose US geography as their theme. The Talents Scouts were close behind in fifth and chose the Simpsons as their theme. Last week's champs, Ubersmack, almost made it two in a row, but the Lethal Amoebas surprised themselves by taking first. Fun new team names included Major Copper Penny, Co-Ach-Ee and the Wankers. I don't think I'd Like to Buy Bill and Tim a Shot's team-naming strategy worked, however. And the Browncos debated whether NASCAR qualifies as a sport.

Dog Days of Summer

I went to my niece's surprise birthday party over the weekend and entered a strange world where dogs had taken over the planet ("damn you! damn you all to helllllll!") Seriously, there were probably 12 cow-sized dogs there. This is a pic of their leader, the world's biggest Burmese.

We Pause Now for an Awwwwww Moment

My submission to catsinsinks.com.

VFW: Go Ask Alice . . .

... and she'll tell you where to go. It was Acid Rock night at the VFW, but Clyde's flashbacks didn't work as he forgot about the Amboy Dukes. In fact, the entire fourth round was a bad trip for everyone, since the high score was a whopping 56! But that didn't stop people from having a fun time. The Senior Idiots from another VFW post were going to leave, but stayed for the entire game, as did recuperating John and his daughter and Dee, as they joined the B52s. The most controversial team name of the night was Frankie and Johnny Were Not Lovers, as some people thought they protested too much. Fifth place went to D & M, who chose Spongebob Squarepants as their theme (Mel watches her grandchild a lot); the Foreplayers chose WWII; Room Two recovered from a horrible first round to take third. Mixed Company, with champion speller Carol, took second, and We're Here for the Beer rose to the top for the first time in a long while.

Bube's: We Are the Champions! (Sort Of)

The Crabby Dicks (AKA "The Crabby Dicks Are Back to Defend Their Title As The Worst Trivia Team Ever!") had to seriously re-think their name since they finally made the top five! Congrats to Jimmy, Tracy, Helen and Jenny! They chose figure skating as their theme. They were followed by Linuscratchitt, who chose The Artist Presently Known As Prince as their theme. TDC was third, the Toxic Olives (despite a faulty cartographer on board) were second, and the true champions of the night were Is That An African or European Nutsack? Congrats to to the 'sacks for two in a row. Also, thanks to Becky for providing a chili set as our grand prize.

We welcomed a brand new team tonight. And as a former Columbian, I particularly liked their name "The River Rats."

Bonnie and Kristen of Linuscratchitt refused to be photographed with their musical partners, Kirk and Phil.

Bill models his 12 Weeks shirt from last week. As he says "Where else can I wear this shirt?"

Chris and Brian of Eat It Raw put their heads together and only missed the winner's circle by one five-point question.

"Kissin' Lancaster Goodbye" was the appropriate name for Jordan's team as she brought her parents along for one last hoorah before heading out to Penn State to start her doctorate. Best of luck, Jordan! (and don't forget to take Snuffy the joy-riding elephant with you).

Chuckles: You Gotta Believe

Mr. Met was happy to be one of the themes this night. In his honor, host-in-training Bruiser "Does Spelling Count?" Brosey wore his cherished Mets jersey. That helped his team, Out of the Vortex, tie for second. But it was Ubersmack, Eh's turn to shine and win. Vortex had a bad experience with the alligator, so the Rainmakers took second. The Talent Scouts placed fourth and chose TV Sitcom Children as their theme. Fifth place The Price Is Right, led by sinister liberal Fritz, chose U.S. Democrats Post-1980. Meanwhile, the Psycho Mamas vowed to bring re-inforcements; Laura of the Lethal Amoebas used her waldo to grab Jay and Afraid to Fly didn't get off the runway. And, beware! the Assassins are slowly re-forming!

Saved By The Mets

Kelly and Melissa try to keep Tim and Deric apart, since they were arguing about whose area of expertise was greater.

And the Winner Is!

As determined by you, the bargoers of Lancaster County and the visitors to Lancaster505.com (along with a few Florida voters), John Flavin of the Arrogant Bastards is Lancaster's Best Bartender! Flav is shown here at his home base at Brendee's with the Grand Prize, a stylin' martini-swilling Vermont Teddy Bear. Congrats to John. Now, where's my Guinness?

VFW: It Was Thriller, Thriller Night

Vincent Prize was terrorizing y'all's neighborhood Wednesday night as the Lititz car show drove away some of the regulars. But those remaining had a grand time. Shitz and Giggles won the wild card question, while the Foreplayers settled for two loaves of garlic bread. The Posseless Janie teamed up with the vacationless Carmen while Stan's identical twin brother Don joined the We're Here for the Beer team. Nix Lix once again made the winner's circle, placing fifth and chose psychedelic/acid rock of the late 60s/early 70s as their theme. Bob and Frank were abetted by some new teammates and took fourth. They chose computer terms as their theme. Mixed Company AKA Dave's Harem took third, followed by D and M + 2, while beating them by two points was Room Two.

Bube's: This Is What We Call the Earth Trivia Show!

That titleline should be sung to the tune of the Muppet Show song, since that was one of tonight's themes. The Fighting A-Team were relieved that they did not win any 5 foot gorillas this year. Buffy and Butthead thought they didn't need their partners, but apparently they did. Eat It Raw had an off night. Jordan made her last appearance with the Exploding Ovaries before she moves to Penn State and becomes Dr. Humphries. Extreme Championship Dead Bear Baby in a Jar Wrestling was planning their pre-Adamas activities. Andy was trying to get away from Joanne, but both son and mother rejoined the Nutsacks. The Unit 2 Meltdown Crew had a defection, but neither team made it to the champs circle. That was reserved for The Unleaded Fuel Monkey, who chose rivers as their theme. Fourth place went to the Tesla Death Rays, who chose the movie Super Troopers. Third place went to John "I Know Every Movie Ever Made Except Night at the Roxbury" and Bonnie, AKA Gainfully Unemployed. And beating that twosome by a mere two points was the Yankees and Red Sox of trivia, the Nutsacks and Team Discovery Channel. I think it was Josiah vs. Missy, with the 'sacks being triumphant. (That's Laura of TDC and Stinkmaster Josh in that tiny cellphone pic, btw)

Trashbag Fashion Statements

Many folk immediately grab the clothing items from the Trashbag of Deelite. Tonight's coveted piece was a feather boa, which Adam had his eye on. But Heather of the Nutsacks (sort of like Anne of Green Gables, or Tarzan of the Apes) got to it first. Here she strikes a pose, along with some escaped inmates from the Perry County Asylum.

...Bob of the Tesla Death Rays proudly wears his Trashbag t-shirt prize from last week. Bob says he depends on the Trashbag for providing him with a new wardrobe. Meanwhile...

... Bill is showing his "I Survived 12 Weeks" t-shirt from this week's Trashbag, along with Becky and Laura. 12 weeks of what, we'll never know.