This is what happens when you leave your beer unattended: Transformers try to steal it.

This is where Ubersmack found two final round answers: Kelly's butt.

The I've Got Your Estrogen Right Here celebrate their second place victory with a pixie stix salute.

Can He Swing from a Web?

I used to host a weekly Simpsons-only trivia show at the dearly-departed Zoetropolis Theater in Lancaster for a year and a half, so many people were curious if I had seen the Simpsons movie. Truthfully, I had o.d.ed on the show and had stopped watching it after the trivia show ended in 2003. (Their glory years ended around 1998, any way). Enough people were bugging me to go, so I went to what I thought was a matinee. (And ended up spending $9 - d'oh!) But it was money well spent, since it's a blast. Kind of like a super-sized episode, triple the fun, triple the gags. And it had some heart-felt moments, like the old times. But not enough Patty and Selma. And where was Jub-jub?

If you want to Simpsonize yourself (surely you can do better than my lame attempt), go to simpsonsmovie.com

FUBZfest 2007!

Last year I attended the Brew at the Zoo Fest near Norristown, PA with the Sisters Miller (not to be confused with the Brothers Grimm). Although we had a great time, the lines for the ladies' restrooms were so long that Ann had to resort to drastic measures (say no more). She nixed plans to attend this year's event, so she proposed an alternative at her house: FUBZfest 2007! (FUBZ stands for F.U. Brew at the Zoo). We went to a local supermarket that sold microbrews by the individual bottle and loaded up a cart. Above you see many of the competitors and below you will find commentary on the various categories.

All three of the judges were partial to darker beers, so it was an uphill battle for the lagers. In fact, we're thinking of dropping the category at the next FUBZfest. The only drinkable one was Warka from Poland. Not pictured is Tusker, a lager from Africa that tasted like elephant urine (or at least what we imagined e.u. to taste like).

The Flavored category had the most variety (well, duh...) Caribe Ginger Beer failed to make the cut, since it tasted more like soda than beer. The bronze went to Rogue Chipotle Ale, mainly because I love anything with chipotle in it. The silver went to Wells Banana Bread Ale (my personal favorite) and the gold was Kriek Cherry something-or-other (I need to take better notes). Kriek was more of a dessert beer, but tasty nonetheless.

Once night arrived and the temperature dropped outside, we moved outdoors for the Stout category. This is where a herd of spiders attacked my foot and turned it into a red balloon. Coco Loco, Ann's favorite, failed to impress either Sue or myself, so it took the bronze. There was a tie between the chocolate stouts of Young's and Rogue's, but Young's won more subcategories, so it took the gold (yes, we had complex scoring sheets with subcategories of appearance, body etc. As the festival went on, they became less and less important)

The Porters was the last category of the night, so my notes are the worst. It looks like Uterus (sp?) took the bronze and there was a tie between Stone and Alderis (sp?). By this time we had been drinking all night, so we scrapped plans for closing ceremonies and just contently went to sleep.

VFW: Back to the Future

It was back to the 50s car night, with Room Two thundering down the highway in the last round with a total score of 90! Left in their dust were the B52s and Shitz and Giggles and Friends, so it was a Captain Jack-off between Sheila and Dee. It was a real nail-biter, with two rounds going down to the last tooth. Dee was the victor.

We're No Biscuits and Brooks and Dunn tied for sixth. B & D said that they can not make it next week (they drove up from Intercourse), so they passed (although I'll have a Harley question in their honor). Dave and Birthday Boy Francis chose state capitals as their theme.

We also learned that Jerry has White Chocolate on 8mm.

Oh, and Tom was 37 minutes late.

Bube's: The Reverse Phoenix

I like the bleakness of this shot, taken after the post-trivia stampede for the door. The Jelly Roll Mortons are wallowing in their cups after a disastrous last round. They had been leading the three rounds previous. Their balcony mates, Transformers: Nutsacks in Disguise, ended up in first with a come from behind victory. The Toxic Olives and the Not-So-Wisemen were only three points back, so it was Becky vs. Brent in the Captain Jack-off, with Brent going quickly down in flames. The Tony Danza Slap! team had a good night, winning the consolation prize of a vintage Simpsons postcard book and seventh place. They chose Arrested Development as their theme for next week.

It was such a close night that Linuscratchitt (pictured), The Fool Monkey and the Tesla Death Rays were all one question away from first place, but all failed to make the top three.

Patterson's Bitches had to settle for an 'N Sync t-shirt from the trashbag.

Chuckles: Mmmmm.....Little Debbie!

Here's a pic of the post-game activity tonight, with the CACs displaying their you-provide-the-filling dessert shells.

It was one of those see-sawing nights, with teams rising and falling. Well, mainly falling in a extra-painful last round. In the end, the Lethal Amoebas knowledge of Russian put them on top, followed by the Florida-fortified I've Got Your Answer Right Here. KCC, the team responsible for Mongolia as a theme, were hopped up on horse milk and took third. Team Arrrrrrrrrrgh! beat their mother team, The Tidy Bowlers, by one point, but lost the chance to pick a theme, which went to the Bowlers. They chose the Tennessee as their theme.

We also welcomed back The Army of Northern Virginia, which pleased Sam to no end. And we scarfed down oodles of Little Debbie cakes, courtesy of Ubersnack, I mean Ubersmack.

VFW: Hot Tamales

Dasani shows off two Care Bears that she (eventually) won. She traded her red hot potato chips for the bears after some intense negotiations. I think Dasani was Room Two's secret weapon, since her team slipped to third place once she had to go home to bed. The Johnless B-52s took second and the freshly-rested We're No Biscuits returned after a hiatus to take first. The Foreplayers got the coveted seventh place spot and chose Cars of the 1950s as their theme for next week. This should thrill the Drunken Stepfathers, who were born in the 80s. Darla remarked that everyone was in a strange mood tonight. Must have been all the overly-spiced foods in the Trashbag.

Bube's: Wooly Brulee!

Charles and Bill adopted this lost soul and led the entire evening with the inappropriately named team The Fool Monkey Is Going to Miss a First-Round Geography Question. Tonight was the debut of a new sound system provided by fellow trivia-host J (thanks again!). It was also the debut of one of our stranger prizes: a creme brulee kit that was won by the Tony Danza Slap! team. They are actually going to build an entire party around it. But it will be BYOB (bring you own blowtorch).

P.S. The Wise Men chose recent Phillies baseball as their theme for next week.

Team America Fights Terrorists With Bourdeau's Butt Paste added James' boss/cousin Randy and took home the bronze, while Team Discovery Channel took the silver.

Spider-Pig is looking forward to the premiere of the Simpsons movie.

The Stone Cutters were extra generous with their Coco Krispie straws, handing them out to everyone who walked by.

The Weird Sisters were disgusted by their fourth round crash and burn.