The American Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Novelty Chickens has targeted Kumiko and Craig as prime offenders.

Chuckles: Girl Power!

Kim, Jen and Sue are a new team to be reckoned with at Chuckles. Actually, Sue was a regular a while back and Jen had a few games under her belt, so Kim was the only virgin. They were in the lead until the last round, when Out of the Vortex had a come-from behind victory. Ubersmack ended up in a tie with SJK, and Captain Jack bit Sue twice, so they had to settle for third. Skirtland was only one point behind, followed by KCC and We Got Your Special Guest Right Here. The Lethal Amoebas claimed that they were aiming for seventh, which they did, so next week's theme is "British Sports Cars." We Can Win This! (With Tickets) changed their name to We Didn't Win Any Tickets while Clueless in Lancaster were content to play with their dinosaurs in the back. The Spiffs, meanwhile, basked in their perfect first round score.

Plain and Fancy: The Class of 2011

Ken, Andreas, Jake, Tucker, Noah, Matt and Brian, AKA "Banana Fish" of the Class of 2011 cleaned up in the last round to claim the first ever Trivia Bowl for F&M's MBT house. As part of their orientation for first-year students, MBT bussed all 128 of them to the Plain and Fancy restaurant in Bird-In-Hand (heh, heh, he said "Bird In Hand") for their first taste of "Amish" cooking and brain-scratching trivia. There were 18 teams duking it out, with names like "The Power of No," "Dirty Little Secrets," "The Flying Diplomats," "Big Bird Is Lame and So Is Her Teddy Bear," and "Kim." Then, by a weird coincidence, we had three teams called "Awesome," so there was some creative re-naming going on. Trashbag prizes included Copper from the Fox and the Hound and an out-of-date box of Quisp. Banana Fish is still waiting for the grand prize, which, I am told, is "in the mail."

Thanks to Akhil Bery, Joanna DiPallo, Dean Godin, and Professor Heller for having me. Maybe it'll become an annual event.

VFW: We Are Number Nine!

The DaMitt team celebrate the fact that they didn't come in last at the end of the night. We welcomed the Scouters, who managed to multi-task as they balanced some books and played trivia at the same time. The Hackers were back, as were D and M, minus their +2, but with 2 new (what?). Annie 's team was doing well until the last round, when we ended up with a two-way for third between last weeks champs, the Foreplayers and The Original We're Here for the Beer team. Bobbie got bit twice, so Dave was the winner. In second was a super-sized Room Two. But the night belonged to the team with the unfortunate acronym, King Kirk and His Kourt.

Bube's: Flick Night

My limited activity week continued Tuesday night, when I asked Chris Ivey to sub for me. Chris went with an all-movie theme, which caused the Exploding Ovaries to run screaming from the room. The Tony Danza Slap! team took seventh, but Chris forgot to ask them for a theme, so I think I'm going to go with "Tony Danza" as their imaginary pick (unless I hear otherwise). The Flaming Moe-rons ran away with it, followed by Juggle My Nutsack and TDC.

Thanks again, Chris. We'll be back to our regular show next week.

Chuckles: Blue Ribbon Billy

First off, my apologies for my bizarre behavior Sunday night. I know that I caused a lot of concern and I thank everyone for their help. It was due to exhaustion and a bad reaction to alcohol (or, more specifically, alco-hophog). I'm well rested now and ready to return Sunday night.

Secondly, many, many thanks to Billy Warmth for filling in on such short notice. Billy is a fooly-trained trivia professional and was able to jump in and interpret my questions (although I guess an answer key for the picture round would have helped.) Bill will probably be helping me by setting up his sound system this week, by the way, since I have a late afternoon game for the first year students at F&M.

Here's Bill's reporting on the night's scoring:

"The following are the scores from Sunday night. KC (Karen and Carol) didn't show so Cori played with Clueless in Lancaster.

1st - 80 Points - Lethal Amoebas
2nd - 66 Points - Talent Scouts
3rd Place - 58 Points - Out of the Vortex (sleeps with substitute host)
4th Place - 57 Points - Like a Fox
5th Place - 56 points - Ubersmack (Tim and Deric really helped out)
6th Place - 52 Points - Clueless in Lancaster (wants to sleep with substitute host)
6th Place - 52 Points - Skirtland (Alan objects to the "Women's Artistic Gymnastics" answer) As long as 'Vortex beats them it is a great night.

Since the ineptness of the two 6th place teams prevented a true 7th place I picked the mini-category for Sunday and that would be: U.S. Rivers and Lakes"

VFW: 75 Years Young!

All week long the Lititz VFW has been celebrating its 75th anniversary, so we had a bunch of Post 1463 trivia to honor the occasion. The Foreplayers, who usually tank on the picture round, claimed the grand prize. Mixed Company was right ebhind. And we had an unprecedented four-way tie for third between Room Two, Shitz and Giggles, We're Here for the Beer and the B52s. After multiple Captain Jack-offs, Amy of Room two came through for her team.

When We're No Biscuits bring along their better halves, they become Mixed Company, tonight's second-place team.

The B52s traded John in for a teddy bear.

The Pretzel cats were a little premature in their V for victory signs.

Nick scored one of the sweeter prizes of the evening, much to Pat of the Foreplayers' dismay: a bag of powdered donuts.

The Ihnats and the LeFevers, AKA We're Here for the Beer, were involved with the historic four-way.

John and Sharon missed the first half, but stayed and played for the second.

This group arrived in time for the last round, but just played along in their heads.

Shitz and Giggles and Friends are, appropriately enough, giggling.

Trish of Third Rock held her own in the first two rounds, but was done in by the picture round. Curt was one of the five winners of special $25 anniversary prizes we had throughout the evening.

Rob and Louise, the +2 od D and M + 2, were missing D and M, but still managed seventh place. They chose "The Cold War" as next week's theme.

Alice in Wonderland, this week known as The Real Bad Luck D*ck Teasers (and the * is not a "U") won the consolation prize of D-Day coffee table book with two audio CDs.

Bube's: Adventures in Photositting

Tonight's competition was dominated by the Toxic Olives, who, for the first time in their team history, were in first place in all four rounds. Normally, I try to take carefully-crafted pictures in classic poses, such as the above...

But this week, I experimented with not composing the shots and just clicked away, willy-nilly (that's a good word that you don't get to use much nowadays).

Team Discovery Channel featuring Brother John on leave, took third with an impressive 81 points, only one point behind the resurgent second place Chubby Stubbies.

See if you can find Matt in this picture.

Mike of the Ovaries couldn't hide from his birthday.

Lisa displays her Raging Wolverine wind-up doll that she won from the Trashbag of Deelite. He will do battle with her Pearl the Librarian action figure at work.

Sarah's ready for her close-up, Mr. deMille!

Brent and Van are plotting what to do with Chad's drink while he's in the can.

The Nutsacks once again shared the balcony with their distaff counterparts, the Exploding Ovaries.

A portion of the Super-sized version of the Tesla Death Rays, who came in lucky seventh place. They chose Gumby as their theme, dammit!

Jim of the Stonecutters works on his Chisenbop.

This is the remaining half of Geology Rocks, featuring Headless Todd.

A smaller version of the Tony Danza Slap debated whether to call themselves Tiny Danza, or Hold Me Closer, Tony Danza.

Tim and Marissa, missing their partners, had an off night.

Tim and Dan hung out with Spider-Pig post-show.

Chuckles: Welcome Jess!

Since Rick has headed south and Lori is on maternity leave, we have welcomed Jess to the Sunday night crew. Her first night was capped by one of those particularly painful last rounds (once again I had a lack of sleep, which makes me slightly cranky and I take it out on the last round). When the dust settled, it was the Lethal Amoebas on top. And for those of you who have laughed at their name, check out this article, provided by proto-amoeba Jay Barry.

Kelly's butt failed Ubersmack, as they lost by two points. And two points behind them were I've Got Your Kittens Right Here Featuring Barb, AKA Pussy Galore. Yet another two points were all that prevented Hide the Pepperoni from making the money. The Tidy Bowlers finally broke their seventh-place curse and took fifth, with Bill and Marge right behind. That meant seventh went to The Dicks, a brand new team who chose Seinfeld as their theme. They also won the most valuable prize of the night: a novel by Britney Spears and her mother. They tried to start a bidding war, but there were no takers :-(

VFW: Winging It

Once again, I need to post the next day, or I'll forget. Now it's four days and several thousand dead brain cells later and I do not have my notes. I remember that the Drunken Stepfathers (with special guest YouTube star Andrew Bucher) came in first...

and that MTV'N came in seventh, so they chose "American war heroes" as their theme for next week. That ties in nicely with our Anniversary Week-themed show. Don't forget to bone up on your post history and the newsletter. Annie is also providing some special raffle prizes, so Wednesday's show is not to be missed!

P.S. I found the rest of the standings! We're No Biscuits came in second and the Foreplayers fought We're Here for the Beer in a tie-breaker for third. It was Bert vs. Steve with Steve triumphant. The B52s with 51 and a half points came in fifth and Alice in Wonderland placed sixth.

Bube's: Wiser Heads Prevail

The Wise Men can finally stop following that star, since they won first place! The Tesla Death Rays were 11 points behind, with the fiber-fortified Chubby Stubbies only one question behind them. Out of the Vortex were too relaxed from their vacation, but still placed fourth, followed by Bube's Bitches and a mini-sized Tony Danza Slap! There was a tie for seventh, so we'll have two themes next week: the TV series "24," as chosen by the Omega Nutsack and "20th century warfare," as chosen by TDC.

Welcome back to Helen of the Crabby Dicks, Happy 21st Birthday to Doug and Happy not-21st Birthday to Brinkman.

Straight Outta Compton was a semi-new team that stumbled a bit in the last round, but vowed to come back. They were winners of the consolation prize of a huge box of make-your-own Cinnabuns mix, which they will use to fortify themselves while studying for their grad classes.

Please Help This Unfortunate Soul

Barb of the Sunday night trivia team known sometimes as The Price Is Right has come down with a condition known as kittenitis. (Symptoms include excessive mewling, unexplained milk stains and hair in unexpected places). She also suffers from an enlarged heart and hypersensitivity, which caused her to selflessly help a friend with an unwanted litter bottle-feed five kittens. Barb is now looking for homes for three of the critters, so if you know of anyone who wants a kitten, please let me know.

Chuckles: Farewell to Rick

Tonight, sadly, was Rick's last night at Chuckles. He's headed to the wilds of Woodbridge, Virginia (co-incidentally where my sister lives). Ric was a favorite server of many of the Chuckles' teams and will be sorely missed. We gave him a close night of competition for his sendoff, with the Beth-less Ubersmack taking first. Right behind were I've Got Your Estrogen Right Here featuring Susan's Belly Button Lint and the Lethal Amoebas. Skirtland missed the money by only one point, followed by Johnny Bones (see below) and, once again stuck in seventh place, The Tidy Bowlers. They chose the TV series "Friends" as their theme.

A new team, Johnny Bones, did really well, placing sixth, even though they missed the first round!

This is what happens when you leave your beer unattended: Transformers try to steal it.

This is where Ubersmack found two final round answers: Kelly's butt.

The I've Got Your Estrogen Right Here celebrate their second place victory with a pixie stix salute.

Can He Swing from a Web?

I used to host a weekly Simpsons-only trivia show at the dearly-departed Zoetropolis Theater in Lancaster for a year and a half, so many people were curious if I had seen the Simpsons movie. Truthfully, I had o.d.ed on the show and had stopped watching it after the trivia show ended in 2003. (Their glory years ended around 1998, any way). Enough people were bugging me to go, so I went to what I thought was a matinee. (And ended up spending $9 - d'oh!) But it was money well spent, since it's a blast. Kind of like a super-sized episode, triple the fun, triple the gags. And it had some heart-felt moments, like the old times. But not enough Patty and Selma. And where was Jub-jub?

If you want to Simpsonize yourself (surely you can do better than my lame attempt), go to simpsonsmovie.com

FUBZfest 2007!

Last year I attended the Brew at the Zoo Fest near Norristown, PA with the Sisters Miller (not to be confused with the Brothers Grimm). Although we had a great time, the lines for the ladies' restrooms were so long that Ann had to resort to drastic measures (say no more). She nixed plans to attend this year's event, so she proposed an alternative at her house: FUBZfest 2007! (FUBZ stands for F.U. Brew at the Zoo). We went to a local supermarket that sold microbrews by the individual bottle and loaded up a cart. Above you see many of the competitors and below you will find commentary on the various categories.

All three of the judges were partial to darker beers, so it was an uphill battle for the lagers. In fact, we're thinking of dropping the category at the next FUBZfest. The only drinkable one was Warka from Poland. Not pictured is Tusker, a lager from Africa that tasted like elephant urine (or at least what we imagined e.u. to taste like).

The Flavored category had the most variety (well, duh...) Caribe Ginger Beer failed to make the cut, since it tasted more like soda than beer. The bronze went to Rogue Chipotle Ale, mainly because I love anything with chipotle in it. The silver went to Wells Banana Bread Ale (my personal favorite) and the gold was Kriek Cherry something-or-other (I need to take better notes). Kriek was more of a dessert beer, but tasty nonetheless.

Once night arrived and the temperature dropped outside, we moved outdoors for the Stout category. This is where a herd of spiders attacked my foot and turned it into a red balloon. Coco Loco, Ann's favorite, failed to impress either Sue or myself, so it took the bronze. There was a tie between the chocolate stouts of Young's and Rogue's, but Young's won more subcategories, so it took the gold (yes, we had complex scoring sheets with subcategories of appearance, body etc. As the festival went on, they became less and less important)